She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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