is wine microwaveable?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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