New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dick very happy bro
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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