Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
