I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
