I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
