i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
