i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
