All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
