I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
