I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
