so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
