I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
