he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
