don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
