First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
