yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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