oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
