Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
