Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
