sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
