Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
