I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
