Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think i have two assholes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
