Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
