your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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