I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
