I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
