Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
