I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
