woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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