omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
