somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
