3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
