Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
well you can't waste a boner
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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