people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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