how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
