So drunk its hurt
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
