Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
