just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
