I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
