you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So vagazzling was a success
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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