yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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