Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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