He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
