Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
