your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
