you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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