When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
