i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a search helicopter?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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