I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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